there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
