He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
