You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
