I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
