Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
