i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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