what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
