Only a mothe r could love this liver
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
