peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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