I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
