Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
