i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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