If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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