Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
