he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize