If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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