Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize