@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
