She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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