She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
