you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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