I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
