would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had sex on a roof
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
