Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
