sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
