return my video game
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
