The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
