I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
