beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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