Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
