Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
