I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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