Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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