Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
