at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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