i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
