So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
