wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
