i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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