SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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