I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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