Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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