shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
