I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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