so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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