You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
