All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
