Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
