Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
