I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
