K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
