Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
