I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
