If that was your dad, he is hot
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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