i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
