I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize