Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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