Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
