Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
