i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
