they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
