I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
