Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
