He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
