I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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