I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He felt like a one man threesome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
