Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
