i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
