You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
