I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
